Tips for the Caregiver

t Don’t enable. Do help or assist

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned while caregiving, is that there’s a fine line between assisting and enabling. Knowing what your Loved One CAN or CANNOT do, is very important, so speaking with them about what their limitations are, is crucial.

t Know what to expect of your future

If you know what is coming (to a certain extent) you’re able to deal logically with it when it rears its ugly head. It will also allow you to construct a time-line of sorts that may assist you in your caregiving walk.

t Develop a tough skin

 I know many of you will come up against frustration that exhibits itself as anger. While some Loved Ones might expect you to do everything for them, it’s more likely they will be offended if you do something for them they feel they can still do. Your Loved One might lash out. While they may not be trying to hurt your feelings, you’re the one who is the most convenient, so you’re the one who will get the fury. Try not to be offended easily! It can be very discouraging, but hang in there. You are doing them a great service even if they don’t realize it.

t Try to Put Yourself in Your Loved One's place
Can you imagine having your independence stripped away? Can you visualize having to give up your favorite hobbies, your precious past-times or your ability to enjoy your family. These are some of the things your Loved One may be experiencing. If you can put yourself in their shoes for just a moment, you might realize the huge loss they're feeling. In fact, they are grieving...grieving for the loss of something new, almost every day.That's a very big deal!

t Assume the role of a parent

A lot of times, you must assume the role of a parent with your Loved One. It is difficult for your Loved Ones to step back and let you lead, but it is best for them. You will have to make the hard decisions for them, but whether or not they appreciate it in the long run, you will know you had their best in mind. You will have to be firm but loving and that is sometimes very hard to do. But, remember how your parent(s) were when you were growing up. In order to keep you safe, they had to make tough choices that you didn’t necessarily like. But, because they made those choices, you were safe and lived to adulthood. Now you must make choices for your Loved One—choices he or she may not like.

t Plan Ahead

If you have the luxury of getting paperwork done ahead of time (i.e., Power of Attorney, signer on bank accounts, etc.) do so as quickly as possible. It will be very helpful to have all of that done so when the time comes to step into that role, you won’t have to rush and try to take care of it while your Loved One is failing.

t Seek Advice/Help

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether physical or emotional. Professional help can be a huge comfort while dealing with this new position. When someone asks what they can do, give them something…don’t wait for them to change their minds. Keep a list in your pocket or purse so when a friend asks how they can help, you can pull out the list and give them a choice of what they’d like to do.