Good Grief

From the moment Jamey was diagnosed with Parkinson's (1997), we knew there would come a day when he could no longer move well enough to do ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) on his own. Twenty years later, we are there. It has been a gradual change in some ways, but in others it has come all at once.

For years we took for granted so many things; walking, dressing, toileting, basic socialization. Now, just turning over in bed, is a challenge. It seems we lose something different every day. Grief is a constant; grief for the caregiver as well as the Loved One.

Moving through the 5 stages of grief, with any chronic or terminal disease, is difficult to navigate. You may be going through several of the stages all at once because of the loss of so many things simultaneously. It's alright to acknowledge the disappointment and sorrow, but don't stay there too long for there is more grief nipping at your heels, and you will need to make room for it. Living in a constant condition of grief can be very difficult. Make sure to communicate about your feelings, don't stuff them down.

For us, our faith is indispensable. Trusting God to get us through is valuable and it allows us to trudge on through the desert without looking back. God is in control, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. He sees the big picture when we can't. We trust him. Trust keeps us joyful.

Whatever you need to get through the difficult times, call on it! Don't let yourself dwell on things you've lost, because it won't help you get those things back. Live in the here and now. Do what you can to find some spark of good it what you're going through today. Dwell on the positive things. I assure you, things can look much better if our focus is on the silver lining instead of the dark cloud.

Everyone moves from one stage to another at their own pace. Don't try and rush someone through. I often hear others tell grievers, "It's time to move on!" Well,it might not be time for that person to move on. Yes, we need to encourage him or her to get to the acceptance stage, but the only person who can truly move them, is them.

To help you identify what stage or stages of grief you're in, here are the 5 stages in order. I use a mnemonic to help me remember. Keep each stage in mind as you move along. Being aware of the steps is crucial in getting yourself to acceptance.

DABDA: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

It's not an easy road, but it is the one you're on. Hang in there and communicate with each other; that is so important! My heart and prayers go out to you who are on this journey along with us. We'll get through it and be all the wiser for it, I know!