What is Self Care?

Many of us believe if we put our needs before that of our loved one, we are being selfish, egotistical, or self-serving. That may be the case if you are neglecting your loved one, but not if you are preserving your health and/or well-being, in order to better care for your loved one.

I've stated it many times; you cannot be a good care provider if you do not take care of yourself first (or, if you prefer--along-side--your love one). I will admit I am a better preacher than I am a follower of my own advice. The old adage, "do as I say, not as I do" (or, don't, in my case) are often more true for me than taking care of my physical and emotional needs on a daily basis.

Because of my own propensity for leaving my needs till last, I can completely identify with those of you who put yourselves on the back burner while you're caring for you loved one.I'm here to tell you it isn't worth it. You won't gain anything by leaving your health (physical or spiritual) "till you have time". It won't save you any time or energy, and it might even cause you to be out of commission for a longer period of time, having to hire someone else to care for your loved one. You certainly don't want that! If you do not take care of yourself, you might end up in any number predicaments that could cost you dearly.

"Practice what you preach" is my new mantra! Sometimes just looking at the issue differently, or calling it by another name, is all it takes to make me feel less guilty for what I perceive as selfish. My sister and I were talking the other night and she mentioned "self care". I like that label. Self care is something I do for myself so that I can be a better caregiver to my loved one. Taking care of my needs and necessities for physical health and spiritual well being is not wrong. In fact, its exactly what I should do regularly, not only for myself but also for my loved one.

I know its difficult when your day is full of caring for your loved one, taking him/her to doctor appointments, fixing meals and other necessary tasks. Fitting in a doctor appointment or spa treatment for yourself is often problematic and challenging. But I can tell you from experience, being out of commission because of a stroke or some other health issue is far worse and certainly more time consuming.

So, I promise to do better at self care, if you'll promise to do better at self care. Let's strive to be the best caregivers for our loved ones (and ourselves) as
possible!

The Bigger Picture

One of my pastors at the church I used to attend (Jon Talbert), relayed this story of a checkers game he had with his then, young daughter.

Jon was playing checkers with one of his daughters and his strategy was puzzling her. He would play piece after piece that he knew she would take. She continued to gloat each time she took one of his pieces, all the while wondering why he was letting her “win”. Then in one swift move, Jon jumped 5 or 6 of her men in succession, and took the piece farthest from his side of the board, placing himself into the hot spot and very proudly proclaiming, “Crown me king!”

Jon’s daughter couldn’t see that with each sacrifice he made he was moving closer to the prize, closer to winning the game.  Jon could see the big picture but his daughter couldn’t because she was too focused on what she was doing and how she was going to get what she wanted. If she had just looked up from the game, stood back and realized the whole picture, she might have been able to strategize differently.

In our caregiving efforts, we cannot always see the entire picture of what the job has to offer us. We simply continue to try and do it ourselves, carrying the burdens and making the plans when all we need to do is look up and see the big picture; what you’re accomplishing for our loved one, what we’re learning for ourselves, and what is going to benefit us all in the long run.

God is always able to see the “big picture”. If we allow Him to guide our steps in caregiving, it makes our lives much easier…well, if not easier, at least more peaceful and perhaps even joyful. Take a breath, take time to pray, and look at the big picture; this job is SO worth your time and energy!